Persuasive Writing - Why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix Our Mara(field)!
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly believe we should fix the school mara(field). We need to fix the mara(field) because it is wet and muddy most of the time and we can’t go onto it. Also sometimes we need to do important sports training and special events.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, The Board of Trustees and Mrs Truman should fix the mara(field) because everyone is crowded and kids don’t have enough space to do games and sports.
	Secondly, balls go over the fence and it sometimes takes ages to get them back. For example Miss Ireland was so busy on duty that it took 10 minutes to get my ball and I was really bored waiting.
	Thirdly, kids can get hurt because there is not enough space to play and little kids can get knocked over by big kids.
	Finally, it’s a waste of money because there’s equipment the school does not use because the mara(field) is off limits. For example we can’t really play touch or soccer because you can fall over easily and on the concrete it hurts but on the mara(field) it won’t hurt.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion, we need to need our mara(field) because everyone is crowded and kids don’t have enough space to do things, to do games and sports, balls go over the fence, kids can get hurt because there is not enough space to play, it’s a waste of money because there’s equipment the school does not use. It is vital that he have a good mara(field) at our school!